Challenges and Stereotypes

Today, I had a nap with Hazel this morning.

Challenge: not having an anxiety attack when Hazel was screaming for Jeff who was in the other room.

Mood:  Frazzled/overwhelmed

I am slowly getting closer to Hazel, but everything is starting to get on top of me. I am starting to feel as though no one is willing to talk to me anymore. I'm also getting tired of being called a "teen mom". I'm a teenager, and I am a mom. I won't always be a teenager. So I would rather people start calling "teen moms" YOUNG MOMS instead. Its much more accurate. Young moms grow up faster than teenagers mentally.

I don't like stereotypes. I hate them. SO..... my challenge for everyone, talk to someone different than you. Like punk, rocker, goth, emo, popular, etc. and get to know them AS A PERSON! Try to understand them better, and try to find things that you both have in common, you might be surprised, and make a new friend.

I don't like judging, but everyone judges people, even me. But try to get to know people on your own, and always be nice to people no matter what. You don't ever know what's going on with them, and they might not know what's going on with you. But you can change that, and be there to try to help make a day easier, better, and brighter for someone just by saying hi, or asking what's wrong and just listening.

Listen to what they're really saying, if they seem like they're hiding something, try to say maybe I help. And don't interrupt them until they're done, and just try to be gentle and tell them what you think they should do. Everyone needs advice, but they need to ask for it, and have someone willing to listen.

Also we now have a Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-the-Shadow-of-Daylight-Blog/120031064836163

and please share with people you know. Thank you!

Beginning to Forgive

When I told my grandma on my dad's side that I was pregnant, not even a second after I told her, she had said, "You ruined your life," and still has not apologized about it. Yes, I understand that she's my grandma and I should respect her and shit, but excuse me. I deserve some respect too. So I automatically told her, "I DID NOT ruin my life. I WILL graduate high school. And I WILL keep my baby."

I hardly speak to her now, but last night I spoke to her and attempted to be civil and hold a decent conversation with her. It didn't last long, but at least I didn't wind up yelling at her. I still hold a little bit of anger towards her, but I will try to be better about it in the future.

I have never had a very close tight relationship with my father's side of the family. That's probably because they are all alot older than me, and there is always a lot of fighting. I hide from drama. I don't like it.

My mom's side of the family is the side I love hanging with. I had a very close relationship with my Papa, who died last spring, six weeks after Hazel was born. I found out when I woke up in the morning that he had passed around midnight the night before.

My grandpa was the most accepting person on my mom's side of the family, and I was so happy when they all followed suit.

But near the middle of my pregnancy he was taken to the hospital and was struggling with blood clots and a high white blood cell count.

We had taken sweet little Hazel to see him the day he died, because he was asking for her. That day we had taken a picture of Hazel holding his thumb. He loved her so much, and he had been waiting to see her one last time.

I did not get to the cemetery on time to be there for his burial, and that made me dive deeper into my depression. My family is pulling together now to try to get over the loss of Papa, and we miss him so much. Hazel has taken his seat at the head of the table for Thanksgiving, and she even fell asleep like he used to.

As a family she is making things easier, and now I am willing to go to grief counselling to help me get through this. Its going to be a long road, and my panic attacks are getting better, and even little Maddie got adopted, so that gave me quite a bit of relief.