Book!

I finally got my book published. Its on Amazon, Kindle, and Createspace book store site. I'm going to use the money that I recieve to get a place other than my parents' basement, and save for Hazel's college fund. I really am excited to get out into the writing industry(FINALLY!!) and I hope that I can get as much support from everyone as possible! Thank you so much for being so helpful in my journey and for my friends and family for being so great to me in general.

The link to the book: Createspace Estore

Here's the overall summary.

Rowan lives her life, dealing with an abusive controlling boyfriend, and struggling with her issues with the world when Aiden walks into her life. After a wild encounter, she learns she is a princess in a land where fairies rule, and she just became queen.Its a story about teenage struggles, growing up, and loss, along with depression and feelings most teenagers deal with on a daily basis while being placed in another world.

Babies

I don't know if this is just me, or if all new moms have this feeling, but I REALLY want to have another baby. I want another so bad. Today I went to the doctors and I heard a tiny baby squawk and I just had the urge to be a mommy again. Jeff and I have planned to hold off until we're ready, so right now we're loving little Hazel to pieces right now.

I wanted to know if anyone else had these feelings a year or so after they had their first baby. If you have please share in the comments or message me about it. I don't want to be alone in feeling this way. I love babies and I really want another, but Jeff isn't sure if he wants another baby. I grew up as an only child and I honestly always wanted a big family of three or so kids and my husband and me. I hated being an only child, it was boring and I often felt alone, which kind of led to my childhood depression.

Please share your thoughts! It would be so helpful!

Prom Night/Engagement

Prom came and went in a flash, its hard to believe that it was my last dance. I'm glad I got to spend time with friends and that there was very little drama. Lots of pictures were taken, and I have a lot of wonderful memories with my Jeff and my friends.

Jeff also decided we should go public with our engagement, and it was a good night all in all. Post-Prom was alot of fun, Jeff raced a few of his guy friends and wound up beating them all, each time coming out in a unique way, first time he rolled out and thumped down on the mat, second time he skidded outslipping on the mat, and the third time, he wound up rolling and skidding out.

I also figured out alot more about what was said at my visit at the hospital, and the movie the Lion King, I can't change other people, but I can change how I feel about other people. Basically, hakuna matata. So...I stopped caring about all my lost friendships, and treasure the ones I now have. People who don't want to get to know me, or even try to tough it out, I don't need them. If people have a problem with me, I'm now just going to tell them that they can get over it and that I don't care.

Rain Rain

Yeah i know creative. Real creative. but hey, i'm feeling a little less "proffesional" today. i just want to act my age a bit. It is almost time for PROM!!! And i am unbelievably excited. I am thrilled to hang out with my friends. and of course Jeff!! Hazel gets to have a dance with daddy this year, and hopefully she won't scream when we leave she's gotten very clingy to Jeff because of her teeth.

Hospital-Psych. Ward

Yes. I was in the psych. ward. No. It was not terrible. It helped me alot. Despite all the odd run ins, it was a very helpful stay and I feel better. Alot better.

My roommate helped me laugh at night. And we're going to keep in touch. I just want to say a few words about depression.

Depression is an ILLNESS, and its up to you to take hold of it. You have to be willing to accept it, and be able to seek help when its time for others to help you. Sometimes you can do it alone, but sometimes you can't. There is no shame in asking for help. If you think you need help, don't be afraid to ask. There are people out there who truly want to help.

Easter

Its almost been two years since Jeff and I started dating, and it feels even longer. I know it may sound cliche but Easter is all about new beginnings and that's how our relationship is. Its hard to explain, but Jeff has been the best change in my life. He's also the one choice that I can never regret for all the joy he's given me, even through all the troubles, everything has been a challenge and we've helped each other through it.

Now, as we close in on our two year anniversary, I wanted everyone to see that love is hard to find, but you need to hold onto it with everything you have.

Impending Graduation

This is to all the future high school graduates out there.

It's exciting at first, being the big dogs in the school, but as the year goes on, fear starts to settle in, and nerves kick in. You're scared of what the future holds, for the past 13 years you've had something to wake up to each year, though you may have loved it, hated it, dreaded it, it was something that was stable, constant, and unchanging but everchanging as we grew older.

Now that the end is near, knowing that you won't have something to wake up to anymore, that you won't have your friends to surround you each day, it's hard to handle. I know. I'm right there while I'm typing it. Believe me, it's rough, and its hard to handle on your own, but this is what they call growing up.

Growing up...is doing this on your own. Walking across that stage, you may believe you're not ready, but that's what makes you so ready to cross that point in time, you're ready, and now that time has come.

You won't always have your friends crowding you, friends will change as time passes, you may wish for your highschool days back, but that's all they will be. Wishes.

So treasure each moment, and make as many memories while you can, learn what you can while you're still in school, let yourself grow in this year, leave the drama alone...its not worth it.

This is your final year, take it by storm.