Impending Graduation

This is to all the future high school graduates out there.

It's exciting at first, being the big dogs in the school, but as the year goes on, fear starts to settle in, and nerves kick in. You're scared of what the future holds, for the past 13 years you've had something to wake up to each year, though you may have loved it, hated it, dreaded it, it was something that was stable, constant, and unchanging but everchanging as we grew older.

Now that the end is near, knowing that you won't have something to wake up to anymore, that you won't have your friends to surround you each day, it's hard to handle. I know. I'm right there while I'm typing it. Believe me, it's rough, and its hard to handle on your own, but this is what they call growing up.

Growing up...is doing this on your own. Walking across that stage, you may believe you're not ready, but that's what makes you so ready to cross that point in time, you're ready, and now that time has come.

You won't always have your friends crowding you, friends will change as time passes, you may wish for your highschool days back, but that's all they will be. Wishes.

So treasure each moment, and make as many memories while you can, learn what you can while you're still in school, let yourself grow in this year, leave the drama alone...its not worth it.

This is your final year, take it by storm.

Looking Ahead

Well as Hazel's first year comes to a close, I'm left looking forward to the rest, and patiently waiting for depression to loosen its hold on my life. I wish that I could be a stay at home mom, and help my daughter grow and become a caring,sensitive member in our family and community. But I know I have to get a job, and help to provide for her, and let her find out how to be a caring person from examples around her, and the values we instill in her even when she's barely walking.

I had to cut back on my Trazodone, which my therapist told me was a horse sedative that is being over prescribed and it takes a harder toll on the human body. The side effects are; memory loss, vomiting/nausea, irregular heart beat, heavy chest, breathing problems, muscle aches/stiff muscles, and several others. I suggest you do your research on medication before you say okay to the doctor, you all have smartphones probably, so you should be able to look it up.

I needed to get that out of the way so now I can tell you what's been going on.

My mom and I went shopping for Hazel's birthday party last night and somehow we wound up in the baby department looking at clothes. We found some preemie clothes and we both almost started crying over how big she's gotten in the past year. She's on whole milk now, and she's a little milk monster. We spent a lot of the night talking because Hazel had her super-special birthday sleepover with Grandpa John, and it gave us time to think back to how it was. Its hard to believe we came from this



to this

and finally to this

And her smile grows with her, making her even more beautiful every day as she finds the happiness in family.