Massaging the Past

I'm still trying to forgive my grandma, but its hard to. Today I'm going to get a massage, so maybe during that time I can try to think about what she said and what she did.

In the past few days, I've been "massaging" my past, thinking back to when I was pregnant, and thinking about how I changed and how people treated me. I was isolated alot then too. But I still had friends. I'm starting to relax more, and think about what I say and do before I act. I spend a lot more time with Hazel now that I feel comfortable about how I'm feeling, most of the time.

Dixie might have to leave the house, because of how she acts towards Hazel, but my cousin Angel said she'd try to convince her parents to take Dixie in even with their two big dogs. The tension in the house is sort of relaxing, but we still have moments. I'm glad to say that I'm starting to feel normal again.

I still have some trouble with my emotions sometimes but that's getting to be easier to handle as well, its just other people that confuse me anymore.

I'm trying to sort out my own feelings so that I can possibly begin writing my book again. I'm now considering just combining the two books to make it flow better, but I'm starting to think that I might just need to do some editing in the first book to make my story in the second book will be better understood. Writing this story in my head has really helped me put my emotions down into events in a book, where I can't be in trouble. It helps me relax and calm down.

Another Way

I love writing, and I feel like I'm almost ready to write books and poems again. I'm almost ready to go out in public again...I'm starting to meet new people on bingo blitz. And I did thank my English teacher today, now comes the struggles of adding her on Facebook. I really think that my blog is confusing people, but I'm really just talking about how I feel about things, and whats bugging me.

Rude people bug me. Cold things bug me. Cold pop bugs me.

And often times stupid people bug me.

I try to be honest on here, unlike how I am in person....I try not to hurt people's feelings in person, but the one person i know I can be honest with is Jeff. I can always talk to him, but sometimes I just want to shout out all my frustrations, and annoyances to the world. So that's what you guys read this for. and this is my attempt at being funny.

You can laugh anytime now.

I take things very serious. I rarely see the funny side in a baby falling in dog shit. the first thing that comes to mind for me; "OHMYGOD WHAT ABOUT THE CLOTHES?! AND THE BABY IS GONNA CRY!! STOP IT!!!" Don't laugh. That's seriously what I thought when I saw that video. Not funny.

I am now very clingy to my daughter, I don't want to let her go. She's my little cute sweetie.