I'm still trying to forgive my grandma, but its hard to. Today I'm going to get a massage, so maybe during that time I can try to think about what she said and what she did.
In the past few days, I've been "massaging" my past, thinking back to when I was pregnant, and thinking about how I changed and how people treated me. I was isolated alot then too. But I still had friends. I'm starting to relax more, and think about what I say and do before I act. I spend a lot more time with Hazel now that I feel comfortable about how I'm feeling, most of the time.
Dixie might have to leave the house, because of how she acts towards Hazel, but my cousin Angel said she'd try to convince her parents to take Dixie in even with their two big dogs. The tension in the house is sort of relaxing, but we still have moments. I'm glad to say that I'm starting to feel normal again.
I still have some trouble with my emotions sometimes but that's getting to be easier to handle as well, its just other people that confuse me anymore.
I'm trying to sort out my own feelings so that I can possibly begin writing my book again. I'm now considering just combining the two books to make it flow better, but I'm starting to think that I might just need to do some editing in the first book to make my story in the second book will be better understood. Writing this story in my head has really helped me put my emotions down into events in a book, where I can't be in trouble. It helps me relax and calm down.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Thinking Back
When I was younger, I was the kind of girl who didn't like to hang around with other girls. I was the girl who always wore t-shirts, jeans/shorts, and worn out muddy dirty sneakers. I didn't like long hair, and if I had long hair, I had it up in a ponytail.
I didn't like to hang around with girls because...they were mean, and...they just pissed me off. I selected a few girls I did hang out with, and we pretty much played Pokemon in the field, (with the bees), just to get away from all the mean kids that were at our school.
I'm not going to lie, I was a mean little girl, I did NOT like people who talked bad about me, judged me, or just...tried to take me down. Well...I usually took care of that physically.
When middle school came, I started falling into depression more than when I was in elementary school. I didn't feel welcomed by my guy friends once school started, except one, (Thanks Seb!) and I had to make more girl friends.
Our middle school may claim to be a "NO BULLYING ZONE". But they didn't really do anything when the teachers did see it. A lot of my teachers in my sixth grade year actually made me even more depressed and I skipped school because I didn't feel welcomed by my TEACHERS. But one of the teachers I will never forget is Mrs. Mackenzie. She was great, she got me interested in English, which has not suffered at all from my recent struggles, and I really should call her tomorrow to say thank you to her.
What I'm trying to point out is, even if kids look confident, strong and stubborn in their ways, they might just be doing it so you don't worry, I came out because I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, please, think before you speak, it might have a larger impact on a child than you will ever know.
Please share with friends and family, and my challenge to you: TALK TO YOUR KIDS OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD OR HOW THEY'RE FEELING AND HAVE AN IN DEPTH CONVERSATION.
Facebook Fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-the-Shadow-of-Daylight-Blog/120031064836163
I didn't like to hang around with girls because...they were mean, and...they just pissed me off. I selected a few girls I did hang out with, and we pretty much played Pokemon in the field, (with the bees), just to get away from all the mean kids that were at our school.
I'm not going to lie, I was a mean little girl, I did NOT like people who talked bad about me, judged me, or just...tried to take me down. Well...I usually took care of that physically.
When middle school came, I started falling into depression more than when I was in elementary school. I didn't feel welcomed by my guy friends once school started, except one, (Thanks Seb!) and I had to make more girl friends.
Our middle school may claim to be a "NO BULLYING ZONE". But they didn't really do anything when the teachers did see it. A lot of my teachers in my sixth grade year actually made me even more depressed and I skipped school because I didn't feel welcomed by my TEACHERS. But one of the teachers I will never forget is Mrs. Mackenzie. She was great, she got me interested in English, which has not suffered at all from my recent struggles, and I really should call her tomorrow to say thank you to her.
What I'm trying to point out is, even if kids look confident, strong and stubborn in their ways, they might just be doing it so you don't worry, I came out because I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, please, think before you speak, it might have a larger impact on a child than you will ever know.
Please share with friends and family, and my challenge to you: TALK TO YOUR KIDS OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD OR HOW THEY'RE FEELING AND HAVE AN IN DEPTH CONVERSATION.
Facebook Fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-the-Shadow-of-Daylight-Blog/120031064836163
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