Impending Graduation

This is to all the future high school graduates out there.

It's exciting at first, being the big dogs in the school, but as the year goes on, fear starts to settle in, and nerves kick in. You're scared of what the future holds, for the past 13 years you've had something to wake up to each year, though you may have loved it, hated it, dreaded it, it was something that was stable, constant, and unchanging but everchanging as we grew older.

Now that the end is near, knowing that you won't have something to wake up to anymore, that you won't have your friends to surround you each day, it's hard to handle. I know. I'm right there while I'm typing it. Believe me, it's rough, and its hard to handle on your own, but this is what they call growing up.

Growing up...is doing this on your own. Walking across that stage, you may believe you're not ready, but that's what makes you so ready to cross that point in time, you're ready, and now that time has come.

You won't always have your friends crowding you, friends will change as time passes, you may wish for your highschool days back, but that's all they will be. Wishes.

So treasure each moment, and make as many memories while you can, learn what you can while you're still in school, let yourself grow in this year, leave the drama alone...its not worth it.

This is your final year, take it by storm.

Massaging the Past

I'm still trying to forgive my grandma, but its hard to. Today I'm going to get a massage, so maybe during that time I can try to think about what she said and what she did.

In the past few days, I've been "massaging" my past, thinking back to when I was pregnant, and thinking about how I changed and how people treated me. I was isolated alot then too. But I still had friends. I'm starting to relax more, and think about what I say and do before I act. I spend a lot more time with Hazel now that I feel comfortable about how I'm feeling, most of the time.

Dixie might have to leave the house, because of how she acts towards Hazel, but my cousin Angel said she'd try to convince her parents to take Dixie in even with their two big dogs. The tension in the house is sort of relaxing, but we still have moments. I'm glad to say that I'm starting to feel normal again.

I still have some trouble with my emotions sometimes but that's getting to be easier to handle as well, its just other people that confuse me anymore.

I'm trying to sort out my own feelings so that I can possibly begin writing my book again. I'm now considering just combining the two books to make it flow better, but I'm starting to think that I might just need to do some editing in the first book to make my story in the second book will be better understood. Writing this story in my head has really helped me put my emotions down into events in a book, where I can't be in trouble. It helps me relax and calm down.