Dogs for Therapy, Huge Help!

I love dogs. I am the kind of person who would go to the animal shelter and let all the puppies out in the play room and just roll on the floor with them and bark and stuff with them. and just lay on the floor and let them lick me all over.

In the past week I have gone to the animal shelter three times, and each time, I see the same dog there. He's sweet, kinda medium sized, and great personality. He's not a pretty dog, but he's three years old, house-broke, trained, and works well with kids and other animals, so why am I talking about him? He's been there since December 5 of 2012.

Lots of the dogs I have seen there have already been adopted. Except him, so I'm talking to people who I think will adopt him. Thank you, Dani!

Last night I had a very bad break down, and Hazel wound up spending the night at her grandpa's. I was still even crying when i went to bed, I was very worked up, because it seems like no one is willing to talk to me anymore, and I don't have much of a social life...I do reach out to people, but not many people respond. I'm not sure why, but since I had gotten pregnant, people started to distance themselves from me.

I try to act like its not a problem, but it is. It bothers me a lot. So.....here comes the challenge.

CHALLENGE:  TALK AND HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE YOU USED TO TALK TO ALOT (EVEN IF THERE WAS A FIGHT I DGAF!) JUST TALK. SEE HOW THEY ARE.

SECOND CHALLENGE:  GO TO AN ANIMAL SHELTER AND LOOK AT THE DOGS, GIVE THEM SOME ATTENTION, THEY NEED LOVE TOO.

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Trust, Friendship, and Drama

It takes a lot to break my trust, I'll be the first to admit it. I am a very patient person, (except when it comes to kids movies*LOVE THEM!!!* or road trips) and I can tolerate getting my hopes up and then have them crushed by the same person for years on end, and so on.

I used to be the kind of friend who would always be there anytime, anywhere, somehow. I used to sleep with my cellphone ready and charged in a KON backpack I slept with in case my friends needed me. I was a very dependable person. I still am.

But not very many of my friends are. DONT YOU DARE SIT THERE AND SAY BULLSHIT:

You know who you are. Whenever I called needing someone to talk to, you were all too busy, or ignored my calls. You all may say that you've been there for me, but whenever I asked you to hang out

(A) you're already with someone

(B) You've already made plans

(C) Don't want to

(D) ((my favorite)) go on Facebook and complain about how no one wants to hang out with you


A lot of this has impacted me in my recovery. I need people who care about me to actually step up and say that you want to hang and watch movies. I have never tried to be a loner. You guys made me a loner by leaving me on my own.

Often times throughout high school, I have sat at a lunch table alone, and none of you have even noticed me, or attempted to wave a simple "hi" to me. I feel like I am not welcomed at all by the people who call me a friend.

Friendship and communication go two ways, I'm here and I've been trying....what about you?


I am going to give everyone ONE CHALLENGE FOR TOMORROW; reach out to someone. ANYONE you KNOW needs some friendship in their day.

I also want everyone to try not to break promises. EVER. I know sometimes you can't help it, but tell the person why. And it better not be a ridiculous reason for example:

a.  "I had to watch a TV marathon of _________!"

b.  "I was talking to _______ and lost track of time!"

c.  "Because I don't like you." (if this is your excuse why are you even making a promise to them?)

And for all the drama queens out there...will it really matter in a few months? Just drop it. No one likes drama, get the fuck over it.

First Step

I should probably explain why my blog is named “In the Shadows of Daylight”. No one talks about the dark side of being a parent, or the darker side of teen years. I am a teen mom. I got pregnant when I was sixteen by my seventeen year old boyfriend, who ran away from me but later came back. Yes, I’ll get to that later. Yes, we’re still together (not without its challenges, like every relationship). I delivered when I was seventeen. Now at age eighteen, I have post-partum depression. If you don’t know what that is, go look it up in the dictionary, I am not a dictionary.

I kept my beautiful baby girl, who is now ten months old. I used to be fine with touching her when I was breastfeeding and over the summer until school started. I started withdrawing after I got out of the hospital, I’d break down crying when I was away from my baby for longer than an hour. Sometimes I didn’t even make it to half an hour. My wonderful man Jeff (her daddy) tried to take me on a date to Subway and I wound up freaking out in the corner of subway about money and how to take care of our sweetheart.
In the past month, it has done a complete one-eighty. I am afraid of my darling baby girl with huge smiles and hugs for everyone. I cannot touch her without having a panic attack, I want to touch her, but I freak out, I mean, yeah, I love the little sweetie, but hell…I just cannot touch her. I don’t push her away, I just get tense and freak out on Bingo Blitz on Facebook which helps immensely. I have been playing it non-stop for the past two days while trying to figure out how to cope other than bingo.

Sometimes, I can not let my little one go, I’m scared she will run away. (she’s already walking, it’s a legit fear) We already have two kid-gates, and we have them up constantly, the dog now exercises constantly as well between trying to get away from baby and leaping over the gates. I can barely change her diaper, I can’t really give her a bath, and I struggle to feed her (there is NO lack of food for her! Its just me and my battle).
Now, I know what you people are thinking, “That’s what’s wrong with teen parents! Irresponsible! Lazy! Facebook! Abusing their babies!” or something along the lines of “GRAAHHH!!! CPS!!!” (If you don’t know what CPS is…something is wrong with this picture.)

Well I have something to tell you.

Fuck you, old person. I do not abuse my baby. Her dad is the one who takes care of her when I’m having break downs. Don’t like it? Go to a cooking/sewing/house décor/haters of teen parents blog!
My big accomplishment for the day was being able to get my daughter dressed without help, it may sound small…but it was huge, I was so proud of myself. Then she fell and started crying, I freaked out and yelled for Jeff, too scared that I hurt her or that she’ll run from me.

I am not going back to high school this quarter, but I will finish this year, and graduate with my class, it’s going to be a battle, but I will prevail. I want all teen parents to know that its okay to be scared, or be depressed, I’m going through it, but I’m also trying to get better. Somedays I don’t even want to get out of bed because I’m scared of everything. All I wanted to do a while ago, was cuddle with puppies at the humane society, where I found an adorable little one year old griffon puppy named Maddie who had just arrived.

And yes. I asked my parents (begged) and Jeff (he’s a cat person and big dog person) if we could adopt her.

The answer was no. But hey I tried, and I get to volunteer there now and play with the puppies there! One good thing done.

I have never been comfortable around people, I sometimes even freaked on my best friends growing up. But with animals I am fine. This was my therapist’s idea to try to get me to relax since I have always had a knack for writing stories.

No matter what happens to me, I’m going to try to endure for my baby.

Even though I attempted to overdose once, I told my family to lock up all meds in a safe, which might help other people going through depression (ANY FORM OF DEPRESSION!!) and have a family member or trusted person give you what you need to take. You yourself should never have the key, it defeats the purpose.

My name is Kendra, and I am a teen mom, with a strong family and wonderful boyfriend, and beautiful daughter, and this is my blog about being a mom, post-partum depression, and I have no clue what else to put but…I have cookies to eat, and I think I’m good for now.