What Hurts The Most

I'm a young mom, as you know. And I was talking to another young mom friend I have named Ashley. She is experiencing the same anger and frustrations I am having. Our babies were born a few months apart, and right now we're both mad.

We're mad that no one calls or messages just to check up. Hey, hello? Yeah, hi. WE'RE STILL PEOPLE HERE WE JUST HAVE KIDS!! I am so ready to scream at everyone and just freak out because with all the hints and shit, NO ONE CALLS! I try to be nice, and I try to hold it in.

Oh? You say YOU"RE busy? You were never busy before! I am so angry with all the people who used to talk to me, because you all don't even seem to care, do you even think about me? I helped you so much in the past and when I need some help, NO ONE IS THERE (except Jeff, but he doesn't count because he hasn't abandoned me and Hazel!)

I reach out. I try to grab your attention, and I get nothing. Soon, I WILL clean out my friends list. I have tried, but you don't even seem to consider me human.

So, if you actually do care, prove it. Just prove it, I don't care if you have to walk up to my front door and tell me you're sorry, I want some proof.

If you don't, go ahead and remove me, I have tried.

Thank you for your consideration,

Kendra

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Torn Up

We might be giving away our dog Dixie. Its gotten to the point where I'm scared of the dog, and the dog growls at me and Hazel. She tried to bite me today, so its not been a good day. I took a nice relaxing bath, but I still have a throbbing headache. I've been crying like crazy because i'll be going dogless for a while...

And I can barely survive without dogs. It stresses me out and I get very depressed. I try to be okay, and i just explode with emotion. I can't contain myself around dogs....I'm going to miss my dog...

Another Way

I love writing, and I feel like I'm almost ready to write books and poems again. I'm almost ready to go out in public again...I'm starting to meet new people on bingo blitz. And I did thank my English teacher today, now comes the struggles of adding her on Facebook. I really think that my blog is confusing people, but I'm really just talking about how I feel about things, and whats bugging me.

Rude people bug me. Cold things bug me. Cold pop bugs me.

And often times stupid people bug me.

I try to be honest on here, unlike how I am in person....I try not to hurt people's feelings in person, but the one person i know I can be honest with is Jeff. I can always talk to him, but sometimes I just want to shout out all my frustrations, and annoyances to the world. So that's what you guys read this for. and this is my attempt at being funny.

You can laugh anytime now.

I take things very serious. I rarely see the funny side in a baby falling in dog shit. the first thing that comes to mind for me; "OHMYGOD WHAT ABOUT THE CLOTHES?! AND THE BABY IS GONNA CRY!! STOP IT!!!" Don't laugh. That's seriously what I thought when I saw that video. Not funny.

I am now very clingy to my daughter, I don't want to let her go. She's my little cute sweetie.

Thinking Back

When I was younger, I was the kind of girl who didn't like to hang around with other girls. I was the girl who always wore t-shirts, jeans/shorts, and worn out muddy dirty sneakers. I didn't like long hair, and if I had long hair, I had it up in a ponytail.

I didn't like to hang around with girls because...they were mean, and...they just pissed me off. I selected a few girls I did hang out with, and we pretty much played Pokemon in the field, (with the bees), just to get away from all the mean kids that were at our school.

I'm not going to lie, I was a mean little girl, I did NOT like people who talked bad about me, judged me, or just...tried to take me down. Well...I usually took care of that physically.

When middle school came, I started falling into depression more than when I was in elementary school. I didn't feel welcomed by my guy friends once school started, except one, (Thanks Seb!) and I had to make more girl friends.

Our middle school may claim to be a "NO BULLYING ZONE". But they didn't really do anything when the teachers did see it. A lot of my teachers in my sixth grade year actually made me even more depressed and I skipped school because I didn't feel welcomed by my TEACHERS. But one of the teachers I will never forget is Mrs. Mackenzie. She was great, she got me interested in English, which has not suffered at all from my recent struggles, and I really should call her tomorrow to say thank you to her.

What I'm trying to point out is, even if kids look confident, strong and stubborn in their ways, they might just be doing it so you don't worry, I came out because I couldn't hold it in anymore.

So, please, think before you speak, it might have a larger impact on a child than you will ever know.

Please share with friends and family, and my challenge to you: TALK TO YOUR KIDS OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD OR HOW THEY'RE FEELING AND HAVE AN IN DEPTH CONVERSATION.

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A Fun Way to Race

As today started, Jeff and I both woke up from nightmares, mine involving vampires trying to kill my baby, and Jeff's...that's his business. After I saw Hazel sleeping happily upstairs, I took a shower and got ready before grabbing my girlie Julia for our group date with Jeff and Andrew.

We all had a wonderful day, and had so much fun, thanks to The Amazing Pizza Machine and bad drivers causing Jeff's comical road-rage rant of curses. Getting out with a group of people helped ease my feelings about being out of the house, and I really enjoyed myself, even though I didn't get to beat anyone at Go-Karts, or Bumper Cars. I at least scored the most at Ice-Ball and Julia and I both got Hazel a princess crown for her to wear on her birthday which is getting closer everyday.

I left the Pizza Machine with a great big stupid fat grin on my face and I felt like a million bucks.

So...this week(WHOLE WEEK) I want you to try to have fun with anything and everything you do. Do it with a smile! Be nice! Laugh!

Outside and....shopping.

I'm a mom, but I'm still a girl. So I finally got the guts to go shopping, and found a little too much, but that's fine, I've trimmed down alot since i gave birth and I needed new clothes (I finally fit into size fours-with room to spare!) I wasn't as anxious shopping in the mall and other stores, than waiting to go shopping.

I did have a great day out, left home around 11 A.M. and got home around 7 P.M. I even managed to put together an outfit for under $50 from Kohl's, and Wet Seal. I'll show a picture tomorrow probably this is going to be a short one.

And the little girl inside me came out to play when I found glow in the dark neon green nail polish at Claire's.

Shopping is therapy for girls, we just need a splurge every once in a while.

Something Great and Something Wonderful

Today, I woke up, ate some cookies and actually got dressed.

I put on a fitted t-shirt, and a white fashion hoodie, and my smooth black jeans. I also brushed my hair, and put on some light make up, mostly around my eyes and lips, with no foundation. And I felt beautiful. I still do. I feel wonderful.

We took Hazel out to her doctor's appointment, yes I went outside! And I liked it, despite it being below zero.

Hazel went to her grandpa's for a while and when Jeff and I got home, we were hugging and talking. I looked down at my stomach as he unzipped my coat, and said, "I'm fat." and smacked my baby belly fat.

He pulled off my coat, and said, "No you are not, you are much more beautiful than when i met you, you look healthy, not anarexic. I like you this way. I love you this way."

And it made me feel so much happier and I felt like some of my sadness was going away.

So...my challenge for you: FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF AND TRY TO TAKE CARE OF IT, AND LET THAT PART OF TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF SPREAD INTO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND BODY! WE OWE IT TO OURSELVES TO DO THIS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SKINNY TO BE BEAUTIFUL!

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Please share with friends and family! Thank you!